Revised Beginning of my Middle Grade Fantasy for Blogfest Contest

Okay, having read and absorbed the comments, plus the comments last night of my own critique group, I’ve rewritten my opening, which is a prologue, and am re-classifying it as YA Fantasy. I’ll leave the original below for comparison’s sake.

(New Version)

Title: School of the Guardians

Genre: YA Fantasy

Eight miles from Salisbury in Southern England, a rather ordinary group had gathered to ponder an extraordinary circle of domino-shaped stones. Actually, it was a circle within a circle, and though it seemed in disrepair like most ancient sites, the crowd on this bright June morning had paid extra to walk among the huge slabs.

No one saw one of the archways in the outer rim glow blue for a fraction of a moment. They didn’t see it because, for the most part, they were behaving like tourists, staying with Ralph Ettingham, their guide. The adults in the group hung on his every word, pronounced with a perfect Oxford accent, and weighted here and there with references to Latin or Medieval History.

Though not tall, and despite his high-pitched voice, Ralph seemed almost as big as the stones around them. “Now according to Ælfric’s 10th century glossary, a henge-cliff meant a precipice. In other words, a hanging or supported stone. In fact, Stukely has pointed out in his notes . . . “

There were a few children in the group and, as one may imagine, all they wanted to do was romp among the gigantic monoliths. It didn’t matter one whit to them if the boulders were bluestones or sarsen stones. In their eyes, this prehistoric complex was little more than a fascinating new kind of playground, and they treated it as such, much to the exasperation of Ralph and the security guard.

All save one boy who appeared to be sniffing the stones.

 

(Original Version)

Title: School of the Guardians

Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

Eight miles north of Salisbury in Southern England, a rather ordinary group had gathered to ponder an extraordinary circle of domino-shaped stones. Actually, it was a circle within a circle, and though it seemed in disrepair like most ancient sites, the crowd on this bright June morning had paid extra to walk among the huge slabs. No one saw one of the archways in the outer rim glow blue for a fraction of a moment. They didn’t see it because, for the most part, they were behaving like tourists, staying with Ralph Ettingham, their guide, and hanging on his every word, pronounced with a perfect Oxford accent, and weighted here and there with references to Latin or Medieval History.

Though not tall, Ralph seemed almost as big as the stones around them, despite his high-pitched voice. “Now according to Ælfric’s 10th century glossary, a henge-cliff meant a precipice. In other words, a hanging or supported stone. In fact, Stukely has pointed out in his notes . . . ”

There were a few children in the group and, as one may imagine, all they wanted to do was romp among the gigantic monoliths. It didn’t matter one whit to them if they were bluestones or sarsen stones. In their eyes, this prehistoric complex was little more than a fascinating new kind of playground. But then Ralph said something that stopped them in their tracks.

“You see, Stonehenge in Saxon means the hanging stones.” The beefy guide in his mid-fifties pointed to one of the inner archways.

Originally posted 2011-09-21 11:32:33.

Great Blog Contest

I came across a terrific blog contest, hosted by Brenda Drake on her blog, for writers of YA and middle grade fiction. Check it out here. Perhaps you’re wondering why I’d be interested in such a contest, particularly since, up to now, I’ve only written adult fiction. Some of you may be aware, but I’ll explain more fully in tomorrow’s posting. I also promise to clear up the mystery behind my lack of content here over the past two months.

Originally posted 2011-09-07 13:44:33.

One Last Bit About the Retreat

For those of you who are still not sure it’s worth your while or money to head up to the far northwest corner of Washington for a two-day writing retreat, here’s a list of all the classes and presentations packed in to those two days:

Thursday Evening:

“Joy in the Journey: The Road to Publication (Or Overcoming the Agony of Rejection)” by Janette Rallison

Friday:

“First Movies, Then Records, Now Books: Publishing’s Paradigm Shift and What It Means for Writers” by yours truly

“Finding Your Inner Matroyshka: The Six Stages of a Writer” by Liz Adair

“Cutting Off Your Baby’s Toes: Tips on Self-Editing” by Linda P. Adams

“Query Letters–Your Next Big Challenge” by Terry Deighton

“If I Can Do It, So Can You: My Experience in Self-Publishing” by Victoria Boothe

“The View From the Checkout Stand, A Bookstore Owner’s POV” by Chrisy Cope

“Ho-hum to Hilarious, How to Put Humor Into Your Writing” by Jane Still

“The Why and How of Blogging” by Monique Leutkemeyer

“Noah’s Story Arc: Building a Watertight Plot” by Christine Thackeray

“Fabulous Free Verse: Unleash Your Poetic Self” by Lara Niedermeyer

“Writing in Spite of Family and the Universe: Organize Yourself to Write” by Kersten Campbell

“See It/Hear It: Writing Believable Dialogue” by yours truly

“Careening Down the Road to Publication: What I’ve Learned on My Journey” by Ann Acton

“Screenwriting 101: Basics for Beginners” by Christine Thackeray

“How Can We Serve? Devising Literacy Programs for Presentation to Local Relief Societies” by Liz Adair

“How to Relive High School Forever: Writing for the YA Audience” by Janette Rallison

Saturday AM:

“Escaping From the Slush Pile” by Janette Rallison

Now, obviously, everyone couldn’t attend every class, so you had to pick and choose…but there was definitely something for everyone. And I haven’t even mentioned Terry’s Grammar Quickies, the terrific Get Acquainted activities by Marylou Bailey, the morning and evening yoga stretches led by Lara Nedermeyer, the singing led by Bonnie Harris (who’s due to give birth in about a week, by the way), the Critique Group led by Wendy Jones (who also took the awesome group photo below), the plotting and writing exercises, and the concluding meeting where we got to share how we felt about the whole experience.

It really was like Girls Camp…only for writers! Think about coming next year.

Originally posted 2010-10-15 10:04:47.